the fear you won't fall.

today i've come to realize that love among many other things is easier said than done.
i've always known this & yet today it struck me more than usual.
it takes a lot more strength to believe again & to trust again.
although, this i know-giving up is easier. it's a lot easier to walk away from the what could have been's&the might have been's; keeping them safe and idyllic in our hearts is a lot more
comforting than the actual realization that they may already have sank to
the bottom of inexistence.
it's hard to let love back in when it has walked away numerous times before.
it gets harder each time it returns because the fear of it walking away all over again
is a great possibility. it takes enormous courage to either open the door to let love in
as it constantly knocks at it or to completely shut it away. i also know that either choice may or may not lead to a broken heart. & only we, ourselves, are the only ones who would know
if this pain is worth what it is.
there are days in which i find myself overwhelmed with fear and doubt.
days in which i am nothing but a hopeless coward that would rather remain in the comforts
of my home than to run outside & enjoy the rain.

fear means that we have something to lose& this fight isn't the fight i honestly want to lose.
so im going to put a brave face, pretend or not, if that's what gets me through the day.
if believing that i can survive this is what will make me survive, even with the lack of hope and optimism, i believe.